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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
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Today my sister died four years ago.
It feels like it was just yesterday.
The sad part about it, is the people who did it get out of prison in 2-3 years maybe even sooner than that.
Ive numb myself to the situation.
My father still takes it pretty hard.
Im only hoping he doesnt remember thats its today...
He hasnt drank in over a year.
Im really proud of him.
Either way today will be a sad day. :(
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...and I dont even know where to begin, to sort them out.
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Working is lame, money is stupid, life is stupid, but most of all
people are stupid.
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Our friendship has become shit.
I feel like you want nothing to do with me.
And thats fine, I just dont care anymore.
So I will be stoping by to gather my things as soon as you have time off work.
And will you please ask your mother when is a good time to stop by and get my bike.
.........................................
Well, Ive decided that Im just going to do what I do best
and push everything aside. Im done caring.
I dont know what I want at this point and it bothers me.
All I want to do is sleep and well occasionally eat of course.
Sometimes I wish I could disappear from everything and everyone.
So Ive decided that Im not going to work until after I have the baby.
Then my goal is to find a decent job and work on oppertunities that have been offered to me.
Tomorrow I will be 6 months pregnant, I have officially reached the point where I cant wear any of
my clothes anymore.
Which sucks because I dont like being fat.
Ive also decided that I will be having a baby shower the end of September/the beggining of October.
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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
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I feel empty inside.
I just want it to go away.
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Alina Marie will be her name.
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Today/tonight has just been well depressing.
Jim took me to see charlie and the chocolate factory,
it was good to get out of the house and be around someone who isnt lame.
Ive decided its time to get a job.
And Im done putting it off.
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Everything has to get worse before it gets better right?
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Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
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I went to the doctor today, they told me I gained too much weight already.
They really cant make up their minds, First its not enough weight now its too much.
And apparently I drink too much juice.
Went and saw War of the Worlds with Jim the other night. It was a good movie.
Saw Ianasshole, Im not even going to get into that one.
Saw Seleda as well. She got me a baby outfit. :)
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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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Okay, Im am so fucking sick of all of this drama, I was trying to be nice and not be a bitch about things but this shit has gotten way out of hand.
First of all it wasnt your place to tell Jim ANYTHING about Nicole and I, thanks for trying to make me look like a piece of shit once again.
You really need to get the fuck over yourself and believe me when I said I never wanted to hurt you and if you cant then fuck you. Shit happend and Im not going to be sorry for it on your account. I am sorry I hurt you but Im not sorry it happened.
Jim and I are just friends, he knows that and I know that.
I know you are hurt and yes I understand you cant help but jesus fucking christ how long is this shit going to go on.
Jim and I feel like we cant even hang out because of you and that really pisses me off.
Its not my fucking fault he doesnt want to be with you.
I feel like you are puting all this blame on me when in reality its your fault he is pushing you away.
Not because I had sex with him and not because we hang out.
If he seriously would have never talked to me again because of you then thats pretty fucked up on your part.
And if you never want to talk to me after this then ya know thats your choice.
Which also would be fucked up on your part.
Ya know, I went out of my way to help you out and make sure you were happy at times when I had to sit back and put my feelings aside.
I let you live with me.
And when you did I did so much for you but Im not going to get into that on this damn thing.
I know how fucking hurt you are because Ive been there.
But you are being a complete bitch about things Jordyn.
If Jim and I wanted to be together it makes me not even want to consider how you feel about any of it.
Because you feel the need to keep bitching and keep going on and on about it and how Im such a horrible friend and blah blah blah.
So if Im such a horrible person then please just delete me out of your life, because I dont want this shit and I dont want a friend like you.
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Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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I dyed my hair black today.
Made a cake and ate lots of food. hahaha
I need to go get my sister a birthday present.
And I think Im getting my hair cut tomorrow.
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I find out if Im having a boy or gurl today.
I really havent been doing much lately, no one seems to want to hang out anymore.
Which is fine with me.
Havnt really talked to Ian much which is also fine with me.
Went to MOSH with my brother and Jim to see the new dinosaur exhibit.
It was pretty neat.
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I think Im doomed to walk the planet alone forever.
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I find myself wondering how far Im going to go before I break.
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I need to see new faces.
I need to go to new places.
I want more than this, this life, this place, these faces, I just want something new.
I am nothing, I have nothing to call my own.
Why cant I find someone who can just take my breath away.
I just want someone to fill this void in my life, and actually stay for once.
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